20's crisis

Can I just say how much I miss this cup of coffee, and me just shuffling my likes. After 7 days of work instead of 5 I can't say how much I'm grateful for "this ritual". Even happier that "Eid" is almost in 2 days. Messy thoughts, messy hair a cold cup of coffee "cracked ass laptop was starting", عيون بهية - محمد العزبي", can't complain tbh.  Avail time filled with "courses" type ass, and some "podcasts", and maybe some little socializing here and there, I came across a podcast, where it basically talked about regression and how sometimes you can lose yourself to satisfy others, thought I'd share my thoughts upon this, but let me give you a heads up about what regression might be; one form of regression is being a social person by nature, even getting more sociable in big groups, where it may even make your partner question why aren't you like that around them, when you're both together, so you then start to...

Let me start this blog with a question "Am I going through a phase ?", last week couldn't be more stressful. I didn't have any time to write, even on my days off I would be in bed all day long. Well let me rephrase this last part "I didn't have the inspiration to write". I do miss these moments when a situation happens then I'd have sth to say or a question that pops up in my head then makes me wonder about this and that.  One of the things that's been really on my mind the last few days is the phase I'm going through. I tend to care, but recently it's been just a little too much than the usual. Where it would start to get me irritated. Let me explain; the past few days I've been contemplating whether I should post this blog on my story or make it public. I don't have much followers on my Instagram, yet I still wonder how many people will be checking it out. "Posted it on my story twice then deleted that shit". "Wou...

 Days have passed since I last posted, I can't explain how I missed that feeling, just me and my cup of coffee, and music of my choice. I'm even happier that I'm over with this week, I've been craving some "connection" some type of "hey, I do have a social life too", and I finally got some.  Wasn't thinking much of today's outing, thought okay will be meeting some old friends from school and I'd go home, then I met "Nada", one of my friends older sister, didn't think much of her, was my first time meeting her so, didn't expect much, we went out, then she said she wanted to go to the toilet or some shit, to my surprise we spent more than half an hour in the toilet just laughing our asses off and trauma dumping.  Weirdly enough, every now and then I meet an interesting person who make me wonder, or makes me "think deeply about some stuff", but can we go back, just a little bit, where I basically mentioned that th...

 As the past few days felt heavier than ever, problems at work and simply my mind can't just quite shut the fuck up, It's 3:35 am, and I'm sipping my coffee, and just realize and think in silence. Why am I that way? Can we call it a defense mechanism or mental instability? Am I too lustful or simply I'm just a human being? A lot of sides in me start to fight each other, how can I be so loving yet so fucking avoidant at the same exact time? But here's the deal, what I noticed and tbh just works for me, that I really don't need to judge myself too much, "just a little", cause I tend to remember that I way created in that specific way, a way that is beautiful.  مش بحب اسيب نفسي لنفسي, بس الواحد ساعات بيغلط, و يندم و يرجع يغلط تاني, و يتوب و يعيط و يستغفر و يرجع تاني. و في اللحظات اللي زي ديه, لحظة خشوع مش بكون بيعيط علي قد ايه انا ظلمت نفسي او حتي ايه قد انا اخفقت و لكن ببقي بعيط من وسع رحمة ربنا. رحمته وسعت كل شئ. To me that was almost a reminder, a thin...

 Sipped all my coffee and while doing so was listening to the one and only "شفيقة - جاي بيشكي راجع يبكي" what a great choice especially that it's the Valentine, I can't help but switch it to "Lovesong - Adele", "Whenever I'm alone with you, you make me feel like I'm whole again". After a long week, I couldn't help but miss this, this moment of total peace, coffee, and a song of my choice, where I get out all that's on my mind and hit "Publish".  There are a lot of things I'm grateful for in my life, the materialistic and the non materialistic, and especially moments when the world just feels extra quite, and the wind is just playing with my hair, I stand and I wonder. Wonder, about yesterday, tonight and tomorrow, wonder, whether that peace I feel with myself could be shared with "another". In my opinion, love isn't only about the good times, the tension nor the laughs, but one of the hardest things to sh...

As I take a sip from my coffee, I remember how I would dance and sing in my car, get out of the window and even recklessly scream, where I call, and hit "يلا ؟". Random walks in Wust Elbalad, Elzamalek and visits to Sakyet El Sawy. Listening to "فاكرة - مسار اجباري", I love this song, one of my favorites, as the melody is kind of playful but the lyrics just tell a different story.  I'm indeed very tied to music and places, yet I miss the scent of my freshly watered plants, and even some personalities of mine, I remember Iram who would post weird shit on her Instagram stories, taking random photos of whatever shit I used to find cool. I miss that version of me. And as my personality evolved over time, situations and people I've met along the way. I can't help but wonder, I mean it's all part of the process, a part of the journey.  Right now, adapting a mentality of "time is money", and my energy isn't for everybody, I'm a more mature...