Unchained

Week's finally over, and here I am sitting on the couch while I listen to "رسالة من امرأة مجهولة - فايزة احمد" and getting warm from the "ام علي" I'm eating, head filled with uncertain and definitely messy ideas, and some "why's" here and there, Why did I do that why did that happen, why did it have to end like that. 

As I was thinking about it, well, I'm not a saint, not a prophet, and it got me thinking "لا اله الا انتا سبحانك اني كنت من الظالمين", that Duaa, had a purpose, originated from a mistake and certainly a regret. The human race was created because Adam did something that wasn't suppose to do. Got me thinking even more; these kinds of things, happen for a reason, we might not see it, but a feeling of deep sorrow, regret and rage that blinds us from seeing "what's out there". 

Where a question is asked, what is needed to actually move on and forward. Is it space?, Is it time?,  I feel like to see clearly what the fuck you're doing in your life, where you "reset your priorities" where you "choose your people", where you get out of loops, break patterns and even burn bridges. 

 

As simple as it may sound, it's hard to implement, but worth it when you see that you've made progress. Takes a lot of discipline, self control and you may even get withdrawal symptoms. I broke a loop that used to consume me, eat me alive, dull my creativity, suffocate my soul and rot my body. I hated each and every part of me where I was "that" person, no matter how many times I've cut my hair, cried, wasted my time, I forgot almost the most important part which was to actually just fucking accept it, and with the acceptance comes the power and the energy to finally let go. Feeling free, unchained to fuckass shit, and a never ending fucked up routine. 

It's not the end of the world, life has a lot more to offer. Repellent, aware and "trying" to be patient without rushing or maybe even dragging. With a curious unattached soul, you enjoy, you try, you give, you do whatever the fuck you do and again, no outcome is controlled. 

 

Maybe that was the reminder I needed to hear, and maybe my dear reader that was what you needed to hear too. Pro-Tip: Whenever you're getting all too caught up with shit, just ask yourself. 

"Were you Rushing, or Were you Dragging?"