Naked and Upset

Let me start this blog with a question "Am I going through a phase ?", last week couldn't be more stressful. I didn't have any time to write, even on my days off I would be in bed all day long. Well let me rephrase this last part "I didn't have the inspiration to write". I do miss these moments when a situation happens then I'd have sth to say or a question that pops up in my head then makes me wonder about this and that. 

One of the things that's been really on my mind the last few days is the phase I'm going through. I tend to care, but recently it's been just a little too much than the usual. Where it would start to get me irritated. Let me explain; the past few days I've been contemplating whether I should post this blog on my story or make it public. I don't have much followers on my Instagram, yet I still wonder how many people will be checking it out. "Posted it on my story twice then deleted that shit". "Would people think ohh she's already cool or would they think ohh she writes so they'd think I'm cool, what kind of vibe does this move gives off". And in my hesitant and very indecisive moments like these. I remember my dearest Ahlam and how she would reply with "ايوا !!، ايوا يا ارم نزليها" when I ask her whether I should post this or not. 

Weirdly enough my closest friend at work at the moment is "عم سعيد" a 44 year old man that also lives near where I am. I was talking to him today on our way home. I didn't tell him what I was thinking about, yet hits me with "يا ارم فكك. كده كده الناس هتنتقض" and tbh I felt some sort of relief. Made me think of how I was back when I was in high school. Whatever shit I thought was cool or that I liked. I would post it on my story without giving it too much thought. I miss the way I used to be. But am I going through a phase or did I just unlock a fucked ass rotten kind of mentality where I tend to care too much about things that don't really matter. A lot of my colleagues have mentioned that I'm simply "كارفة" but here am I writing about how I view myself "this moment". 

I feel like at the end of the day, I'm not really afraid of what people might think, more like afraid of the consequences "حد بقي ستخف دمه التقيل عليا، مش الأحسن ابقي في حالي" 

انا شايفة الأحسن اني ابقي علي حالي 

I used to share that fuckass cringy "be yourself" when I was a kid. Never thought it would be kind of hard to implement. I'm not going to post this blog on my story because I want followers to think I'm cool, for boys to fall for me thinking I'm poetic and certainly not to impress, I'll be posting this because I'm simply "everything" but a pussy. Yes, going through a phase. 

As promised, completely naked, raw, unfiltered and 100% honest. Sharing how I view myself, people, situations, relationships and things about life including the good the bad. Simply free, being a hotter version of Albert Camus. 

"يا رب العون"