Hello, It's me again. يا الله that sounds so desperate. On the sofa, but it's another day, "Tehran Nights at Café Chattanooga" - Farsi Jazz, I may have discovered a new kind of jazz which is a fusion between the regular jazz we all know about and the Andalusian or Farsi twist to it. Great discovery !!
So about the 30 day challenge type shit, Well, It starts with "having a vision of exactly how you want to be, and be seen", added to my todo list for today. To do lists ? It's been eight years since I did that. Maybe that's why I waste so much time, I tend to forget what is it that I need to get done.
Regarding "This Thing" that's in my life right now, oh don't worry it's not a person, الحمدلله, well it's something that requires discipline, dedication, integrity and of course accountability. It's all about showing up everyday, bouncing back "resilience", and proving myself. It's a decision that I've taken, on a journey to see "good or bad" move, well, Here's what I think about all of the shit:
THEORY OF THE "GOOD OR FUCKASS MOVE"
A bad decision doesn't mean a bad life nor a good decision means a great life either. Let me give you an example, in my first post I've mentioned that I wanted to study mechanical engineering, well if I had done that, I wouldn't have time or energy to work as a full timer as a 18 year old. To sum it up, "It's always proportional.
When in doubt what do I need to do?
I have no fucking clue, but a few days ago I've heard this sentence on a fucking reel which says "The plan works until the data shows it doesn't". Well, isn't that "حسن الظن بالله"?, and in times like this I don't really like to go with the Instagram reels ass shit.
﴿ فَإِذَا عَزَمْتَ فَتَوَكَّلْ عَلَى اللَّهِ إِنَّ اللَّهَ يُحِبُّ الْمُتَوَكِّلِينَ ﴾, سورة آل عمران، آية 159
Yes, that's better I don't buy the "Be delusional" fuck ass shit, ربنا بردو امرنا بالاخذ بالاسباب.
I'm still not trying to fight through a thing that's not meant for me, well that sentence just raised a question, so "Is success really linear to the effort we put into something", well I think that no it isn't directly linear, for example, a girl started a business or a job, she worked hard, overtime and did all she could and still that thing failed, I'm sure she will be rewarded, and compensated one way or another.
“وَأَنْ لَيْسَ لِلْإِنسَانِ إِلَّا مَا سَعَىٰ” ,(النجم 39)
“وَالَّذِينَ جَاهَدُوا فِينَا لَنَهْدِيَنَّهُمْ سُبُلَنَا” (العنكبوت 69)
﴿وَقُلِ اعْمَلُوا فَسَيَرَى اللَّهُ عَمَلَكُمْ وَرَسُولُهُ وَالْمُؤْمِنُونَ﴾و التوبة 105
Does it make sense now? so that's why I mentioned in my last post that "Motivational speeches", "Change in 30 days" Instagram reels are a fucking joke. And I'd like to add this one too
“وَمَن يَتَوَكَّلْ عَلَى اللَّهِ فَهُوَ حَسْبُهُ”
— الطلاق 3
دي اللي بتربط التوكّل بالنتيجة:
ربنا بيقولك:
اللي يعتمد عليّ… أنا كافيه. مش شرط الطريق يبقى واضح ، لكن الكفاية والستر والتيسير بييجوا من عنده
And to me that's more than enough, even if the outcome doesn't really align with my goals, maybe it isn't meant for me "yet". Maybe, "something even better" is waiting for me out there. So that basically what I'm trying to remind myself of whenever I'm feeling down or not so "well accomplished" in life. But still, I've done so much in the last couple of months, is this a trap that I've fallen into? That I need to be in a specific state so that I can call myself successful?, "عمري ما هشبع".
Well I hate it and love it at the same time, it fuels me, and sets my fucking brain on fire at the same time, starving for more, not greedy but trying to find out what can I do? A journey is calling, where I push myself to the hardest, yet trying not to fall apart, a fine line between sanity and insanity. I adore the joy, the suffering. As long as I'm enjoying life, to me that's success. So still trying to unlock my full potential without feeling like I have a deadline by the age of 25. So here's my advice,
"سيبها للخالق"
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