Snipper

you know what they say, if you can make her laugh then you can, nah I'm joking. I'm not sipping coffee this time, however in bed, with my "خمسينة", after the juiciest Koshary. As I was feeling down yesterday, I still had hope, and that's not something that I quite do, let me explain. 

Whenever I face fuck ass shit in my life, I tend to "be a pussy", what I mean by that is that I don't try to resist, I don't even try to resist, and even if it's not that big of a deal, in my head it's a matter of life and death. Shit like that crushes me, but as soon as I realize that what the fuck is happening, it's already too late, I've already lost it you know. 

Today and yesterday, were kind of hard, I was feeling down, instead of being a pussy "I'm not ashamed to be a pussy, I just don't like to be a pussy all the time", I didn't cry, I held my tears, and said okay cunt let's figure something out. And "سبحان الله", it worked, after sitting on that porch with my purple blanket, I didn't cry, I got home, slept, woke up and I just pretended as if nothing really happened, cause it's not the end of the world, we still have a lot to face. That shit worked, I tried for once to shift my mindset from thinking okay we're doomed to okay we're figuring something out, "الحمدلله".

But all I can think about is my upcoming date, nah I'm joking, just me and fucking weights at the gym, tbh I'm proud of how my muscles are looking, so that's nice. I just want to hit the gym ASAP. Still I want to meal prep, like a lot, dreaming of all the possibilities, laser focused, and I want to mention this, I feel like I lost my social life, and tbh I've never been happier, I really needed to spend time by myself, and not get involved with any shit, I'm happy that way, it's just me, and my music and my weights. 

I want to listen to "متشوقة - شفيقة", while having some tea, and think more about life. I'm glad that I'm still writing a blog each day, I lost count and I don't know what order today is, but I really want to name this blog as "Snipper". I don't know why. I'm feeling good about this, all of this and even what's happening in my life at the moment, I don't even know what tmrw is about to bring, but it will all make sense, at the end, and no I'm talking about the ending of this year, I'm talking about the ending of our lives, each one's life, the final chapter. It will all make sense by that time, 

I like to end today by remembering that we are here for a reason, a quiet purpose woven into our steps. We may lose ourselves, we may lose our minds along the way, but guidance always finds those who are willing to see. Just be careful not to grow too blind,  blinded by cars, by houses, by the noise of money. Don’t let the glitter dim your vision, or you may forget the very light that was meant to lead you.

اللهم ارزقني حسن الخاتمة

اللهم ارزقني حياة كريمة و ارضا عني