La Pasión

 Sipping my coffee as the regular and listening to "Maldito Cabaret - Los Pamperos", which is one of my favorite songs ever, last time I posted a blog, linked it to a Chatgpt prompt, so hey, tell me what is it that I'm facing from a phycological perspective, "still I don't think I'm Bipolar", but I'm just someone who's sensitive and tries to hide it, someone who is driven by emotions and then I judge myself in the sanist and most analytical ways possible, with a great sense of attachment to places and songs. Well it did make sense. 

Till it mentioned, "push pull", I thought that was my gym split till I realized that it was talking about my relationship dynamics, push them away and pull them back. I was thinking about lots of things in the past few days, and why some of "my planned shit in life" didn't turn out the way I expected it to be, and tbh some things turned out way better than what I expected and I just hate that I sometimes tend to lose control over the things that I can actually control. 

"La Pasión", I like that word, from the Dexter series, but about the pushing and pulling, I think I tend to push away because I need to "analyze" what the fuck I am doing and "what's in it for me" and then I tend to pull because I'm afraid I might miss out or I overlook the "cons".

As I'm thinking about relationships, money and family, I can't help but think about that moment when I pack my things and leave for a four or five days stay in Dahab, or somewhere really far. That's one thing that's been on top of my head. I'm not pushing or pulling anything at the moment, Imma start going with the "I don't chase  I attract mindset", If it's for me, then it's for me, as simple as that. 

And as I was talking to my dearest Tota, and asking her why am I that way, 

توتا: علشان انتي يا ارم يا حبيبتي علي طول بتدوري علي اجابات, ليه حصل كذا, ليه مش عارف ايه, ما تفكك.

I thought to myself maybe that woman is onto something. 

Notice that whenever I start to notice a negative pattern about myself or something that I don't like, I point it out and say how much it bothers me, I then start to make a masterplan of how I'll become a better person how I'll start giving less fucks, late replies, and being so dry. But tbh that doesn't sound like me, I can help but be a yearner, a lover, a giver and a chalant person. But that mixed with the art of letting go, I think I like how that sounds, love but don't get attached, and I'm not talking about men, or people, I'm talking about everything and even the non materialistic ones. 

"La Pasión" and as I mentioned that I liked this word, it'll be that mix of what I'm talking about, the love but don't get attached type shit. I know that the best is yet to come.

But I need to play it right this time, not push it, not pull it, rather, give it "my all". 

"العبها صح"